I don't just want to write

I don’t just want to write.  I don’t just want words to fill a page.  Everything must mean something.  If it doesn’t mean anything, why should anyone need to read it.  There are enough empty books out there.  There are enough useless words.  I must mean something.

I don’t just want to write.  I want to capture.  I want to grasp a hold of.  I want to understand.  People think that writers write for the reader.  No good writer does.  They write for themselves.  

I just don’t want to write. I don’t want another escape where people put it down, smile for a moment and walk back to the place they so desperately want to leave.  I want people to pick it up, read it again.  Frown, think.  People don’t need an escape, they may want one, but people need to change.  

I don’t just want to write, I want to make people think.  Think about there lives, about others lives, about purpose, about stars, about rabbit holes, about Doug mowing the lawn three houses down.  If a book doesn’t make people think then what good is it?  Just empty space for an empty head.  

I don’t just want to write.  I want to change the world.  Life in a bottle.  So many try to fictionalize life.  Book have become a safe haven.  But this is where we live.  This is how we live.  No one is doing anyone justice by pretending it is not.  People need to see life.  for how can one begin to comprehend something they avoid?  

I don’t want to just write.  I don’t just want words, I want pictures Lives to come out of these pages.  I want the truth.  People as the world sees them, flaws, points, shards, loves, faults, hates.  This is where we live.  I want to write that.  

Heartbeat.

What defines death.  And no, I don't mean in a poetic sense, when a person sits around and does nothing in life.   That is another post altogether.  I mean legally and biologically, what defines death.

When the heart stops beating
When the body is unresponsive.
When the brain waves stop.

That is death.  

So shouldn't the opposite define life?

I do not understand Why everything has to be 50 shades of gray.  (Yes, I know that is a book, and no, we are not talking about abusive relationships right now)  Life and death are pretty black and white.

So, why, I ask, 40-50 million willful murders being committed?  

40+ Million Murders not being prosecuted my the law 

40+ million murders who will never have justice.  

40+ Million murders, and no officer bats a lash.  

40+ Million Murders because a person believes it is their right.

So, if you haven't caught on, and you are not really offended yet, I will elaborate.


I am talking about the ever flaming topic of abortion.

Wow.  Heated.
Here is my stance.  All I ask is that you read it till the very end.

I do not agree with abortion.



This represents most of the propaganda for Abortion believers.  And, by golly, I agree

YOUR BODY, DO WHATEVER WITH IT.  

You want a tattoo, go for it.
You want lip metal, go for it. 
If you want to dye your hair, go for it. 
You want to amputate all of you limbs, go for it.  

Now, wait slow down, but I just said....
Guys!  I said YOUR BODY.

YOURS meaning YOURS

My mother does not claim my body.
She can't do what she wants to my body.  Sorry folks, that is called child abuse.

Now I know, here is where we hit the age old argument.  It is still in the womb, so it doesn't count as it's own body.

I could also spout the age old facts about how it can feel pain, it has a heartbeat at 18 weeks, and al the others one, but they haven't changed anything yet.  If that was going to touch you guys, well then it would have, and someone else could occupy all those billboards.

So this makes it right.  Just as suicide is right I guess.

This has become less of a matter of Right and Wrong, and more of a matter of rights.  

Did you know that is some states, it is legal, when the woman is having contractions, to take the babies head out of a womb and put a drill through its head.

Wow, sounds like what we do to cattle, but people are protesting to that.

That sounds like murder to me, but it is inside the womb, all except its head, so hey, it doesn't count.  Bummer for that child.

Sound cold.  Well, I really don't like abortion.

Another problem, with this horrendous act, is we waver when it comes to horrendous people.
Ariel Castro, a man who kidnapped and sexually abused women, was charged with the murder to TWO UNBORN CHILDREN!
Give you a minute

Wow, people, so it is wrong when a creepy man from cleveland does it, but not when a middle class woman does it?  Bias Much?



Now some of you may have noticed, up to this point I have not Identified myself as pro-life and/or anti pro-choice.  This is mainly because I think those name are stupid.

Pro-choice

I am Pro Choice.  I believe every woman should have the choice Ladies, it is called sex.
Any woman who engages in an act of sex made a choice (calm down, I am not talking about rape, that is sightly different) .   So Yes, I am pro choice, if a woman does not want children, don't have sex.  I know protection can fail and if you are not willing to take the risk, make a choice.

Now I know some of you are really mad, if your kept reading at all.   For that I am truly sorry.
But lots of people thought slavery was great, and it took the few to stand up.
We are still dealing with the repercussions that today.

Most of us know Abortion is a thing that can cause a lot of damage.  It is wrong, just as suicide is wrong, or murder.  Get up the guts and say something.  And if you believe in abortion, really consider why.  Is it because you are afraid one day, you will need to rid yourself of an incovinience.  Is it because can't stand the idea of being pregnant.  Is it because you feel it is your right to do what you want with your child.

I am just saying,
If rabbits are stressed, they eat their young.  Gross and Animalistic 

Male baboons kill offspring of rivals.  Horrid.  And Animalistic

Embryo Sand Tiger sharks eat their siblings while in the womb.  Strange and animalistic

If a hamster is hungry she will eat her young. Cruel and Animalistic.  

A woman will kill her unborn child if she doesn't want it.   Normal and Right.  

We justify wrong things because they are convenient.  Can't we see history repeating itself.


Think on this.
Around 11 Million people were killed in the holocaust. That was terrible.  No doubt.  It is still a horror today.
Yet 40-50 Million unborn children have been killed in the USA.
An evolved form of genocide.

Misplaced Emphasis

What if Grades didn't matter?

What if we focused on smart decisions instead? 

What if looks didn't matter? 

What if we focused on the soul? 

What if how far you could run or how well you could throw didn't matter? 

But instead focused on what type of team player you were? 

What if pants size didn't matter? 

What if we then looked at the size of ones heart.  

What if money doesn't matter, but we looked rather on the richness of ones personality? 

What if we are judging the wrong things.  

People are only as smart as their test scores.  

Only as pretty as there selfies 

Only and athletic as they physical attributes.  

Only as appealing as the size that they were. 

only as rich as the amount of green they obtain.   

You wonder why the world is in shambles.  Why bullying goes around.  Why people die lonely.  Why they walk the hallways alone.  

We. Have.  It. All.  Wrong.  

And there is only ourselves to blame.  We put such importance on things that will fade.  I should know.  I am probably the most grade conscious person out there.  I STRESS over a B.  

WHY

Why are these letter so important.  They don't tell me how smart I am.  Wow.  To think brilliant people will walk around there whole lives believing they are stupid.  

I love beautiful people.  I have some friends that could outshine hollywood.  Is this because they have perfect hair, teeth, eyes, skin color?  Well partly.  But mostly because they have a beautiful soul.  People seem to think that face shape matters.  But you don't need barbie blond hair to change the world? 

Why, beautiful people will walk around thinking that they are ugly, because the tabloids say so.  

I am not a sports person.  I don't understand a lick of football.  But I am one of the most competitive people I know.  A Story I like to tell, is the one were I broke my thumb while playing capture the flag, and still played on the winning team! But I am not athletic.  I am short.  Not a fats runner.  Only good at hitting very few things.  We seem to judge winning on points rather than fun.  What is a game worth, if no one enjoys playing it.  What is Winning? We seem to think the only way you can be a good player is if you win games, you score touchdowns, baskets, goals.  

We tell people that their size matters.  That everyone should care!  But who cares about the size of the hearts.  

WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT?  

Why do we care? 

We are lying to ourselves to think that these attributes make a person.  

We are judging the wrong things.  And people seem to believe it. Everyone is believing this lie.  

What makes a person has nothing to do with appearance, social standards, abilities.  Tell someone that today.  Tell them they can change the world.  Tell them they are beautiful.  Tell them they are important.  #tellthemthetruth 

Saving the World

    I was recently in a conversation with a friend of mine.  Some how we came upon the random question of, is the world in dire peril?   Just out of randomness.
       But his answer surprised me a bit.
       I wish.
  Confused I inquired about his answer, where he went on to say, how much more exciting life would be if he had to save the world.

I was dumbfounded.  (doesn't happen very often)

Because, a few years ago, I thought within the same parameters.  Even now, I have to force myself out of that thought.

I want my life to be exciting.  
I want my life to have purpose.  
I want to be a hero.  

I mean come on, who doesn't.  Our culture today is obsessed with heroes.  Marvel is in every theater, Batman is in conversation, superman in the toy aisle, spider-man on the t'shirts.  People have this longing, an affinity, towards heroes.

What little child hasn't dressed up in a cape and pretend to save the world.  What grown adults hasn't shot aliens with their mechanical pencil (not everyone on that one eh?)

We are addicted to heroes.  That isn't even the question.
The question is

Why 

Why do we, in are lives long to be something more, to be affiliated with a hero.  To say, hey that guy who rescued those kittens, yeah I know that guy.

We all reach for the unattainable.  Not many of us are super rich and can afford bat-caves.  Not many of us have laser eyes, or truth lassos.  I am not a super genius who can make armor, or web slingers.

So, the logical explanation is, unless the world is in dire peril, I can't become a hero.

Wow Depressing right?

This brings me back to my conversation with this anonymous friend.  'Life would be more exciting, if it needed saving.'

Whoa, hold it right there!
Did you all see the same thing I did?

If not, let's take a closer look.

'If it needed saving.'

Yup, there it is.  That magic statement that can blow minds.
Some of you might be getting in and groaning in your seats, not another one of these. I know, I felt the same way.

for those of you who do not, that's fine, I will explain the reasons for all the grumbling.

You see, we (yes me too) don't see the world the way we should.  We think dire peril has to be aliens, or giant monsters, or sand people, creepers who laugh a little too much, those villains that you can't quite get away from.

Because many of these scenarios are a little unlikely (though not completely ruled out) we feel that the world doesn't need saving.

Well that line of thought is WRONG!

Yes, I know, that offensive word.  But it is truth.

Guys Wake up!  Come on, get out of those comic books, those novels, those movie theaters!

That version of heroes and villains are so romanticism.  And we sit in the living room, or secluded under a couch fort, wishing and waiting for something to happen so we can save the day.

Get out and see that the world we live in isn't with out perils.  It isn't without hardship.  People Die.  People Starve.  People are killed.  People are lied to.  People are lying.  People are losing hope.
This sounds like a world that needs saving.

Guess what!  Guess who God is counting on to save it!
Yes, I know that Jesus came and saved the world.  But we can't leave it just up to him! We have to step up, get out from under the covers and be heroes!

If you weren't groaning before, you sure are now.  I used to be one of you.  I mean come one, God's fight is not nearly as interesting as Doc Octopus.  Yay, I am spreading the word of Jesus, but there is no real action.

I hear you, but I don't believe you.

People, there is so much we could be doing.  We could change the world.  We could save it.  But we are too busy waiting for a chance.

You know why we can't pray in schools?  Because those Atheist got off their rumps and made a fuss about it.

77% of the adult population in America is Christian!  Think of what we could do if we all got together!

Think of the lives we could transform!
Think of the change.

We could save this lost and broken world.  

So, to put it simply.  We spend our whole lives waiting for that one chance to make a splash, to make a difference.  We need to make a way.  Get up, and stop waiting.  Put down the phones, movies, and books, which defines heroes, and write our own definition.  

We can save a world that doesn't know it needs to be saved.  How about that? 




`

Last Man Standing

I saw this picture while aimlessly scrolling through the feed of Google +.  I saw the random bird, then I saw the caption, then I saw the other Birds.  Many of you probably had the same experience.
     Most of you, like me, will think this picture is cool.
     Many of you will think that you would like to be that one bird.
    Some of you may re-post it, like I did.
    And almost all of you, like me, will just keep on scrolling aimlessly.
This is how life is.  We wander through it and see an interesting thing, or something inspirering.  We will say the world needs more of that!  We will share that, then keep going aimlessly.

I want to end the Aimlessness.  

So I decided to blog about it.

I am going to tell you all about this picture and how we as Christians should see this bird as what we should be.
Think about this for just a moment

  Can we change the world if we act like part of it? 

If we stand with the crowd, even if we don't agree with the crowd.  How will anyone know?
How can people see Christ in us, if they don't even see us?

Look at that group of birds.  They are all doing different things.  Some are bending over, some are turned, some are standing straight up.  People are like this too, they are each different, and have different beliefs.  But know one really know that by just looking.

But that one bird, people look at it.  They inspect it.  I sat there and stared at it.  Not really knowing that I was doing it.
Why?
Because it stands out! And when someone stands out, they are under a lot of scrutiny.

That is probably one of the reasons why we avoid standing out.

"We can change the world from behind the scenes." 

"Other people can do the standing out part." 

"It is lonely out there." 

"I don't want people to hate me." 

"I don't want to be noticed."  


These are all arguments I used with myself.  Being somewhat normal, I bet you have too.

Now this is how I refuted them to myself.

1.  Yes, some can be behind the scenes, but if everyone is pulling curtains, who is on the stage?  If everyone is managing props, then who is delivering the messages?  Imagine if all the pastors decided to be behind the scenes? There would be no churches?

2.  Piggy-backing on the previous one, What if everybody thought that?  What if everyone was waiting for someone else to stand out?  We would get NOWHERE!!! What if Paul had decided that he didn't want to teach?  Or David thought someone else could take down Goliath? Or Noah chose not to build the Ark, I bet that stood out!  We all think that these people were ready for these things.  But I know I would never be ready to take on a Giant with just a rock.  The CHOSE to stand out.  They didn't let someone else do it.  Because they were the only one who could.

3. Loneliness has always been one of my problems.  Especially since I moved. Back where I used to live, it was easy, because all of my friends had the same beliefs, moral, and values.  But here, I hang out with non-Christians, and other Christians that do not have the same mind-set at me.  It got hard. Fast.
In fact, I almost stopped public school to go back to homeschooling.  Why?  Because it was easier.  I didn't have to worry about standing out, or dealing with difficult people.  But here, think about this one.

Jesus was lonely.  He was probably one of the Loneliest people.  

He was WAY different from everyone.  Yes, he had his disciples, but he was always leading them.  Yes, he had God, but he had to have longed for Human companionship as well.
Leading is lonely.  Being in front is lonely.  Being different is lonely.
I am not making you feel better am I?
Well, if there are enough people being different.  At least you can be lonely together.  (bad pun, I know)
But just because you are different doesn't mean you can't make friends with the people who aren't.  Jesus befriended taxpayers.

4.  Yup. I hear this one a lot as well.  The world is really big with everybody liking each other.  Everyone getting along.  I mean the have bumper stickers that say COEXIST.  If it is on a bumper sticker, we gotta do it right?
Being different will ruffle feathers, Why? Because we are changing things. Don't let this deter you.  Someone out there will always have feelings of malice towards you, whether it is because you are different, too normal, you have brown hair, you like math,  Someone out there won't like you, Why? Because that is the way of the world.  (not saying I agree with it, but I know it is true).
People will hate you for it.  But God will Love you.   I know he loves you anyway, and he always will.  But, such actions are pleasing to him.  God's people will love you.  Win some loose some....

5. I know the feeling of wanting to shrink into the shadows.  Heck, Batman does it.  But, there is no way, someone can follow God truly, and not stand out.

 If you follow God with all your heart, you will stand out! 

If you don't think you are standing out, maybe you should reevaluate where you stand with God.  Just because you haven't Murdered anyone, doesn't mean you are doing everything right  

So, now I have told you all about standing out.  Yippy.  How many of you will keep scrolling.  Go one life and nothing changes?  

Well, now it is time to put it into practice.  

We are called to be different.  

There is NO way around.  No way to argue against it. (Trust me, I've tried).  This is how it is.  This is how it needs to be. 

It is hard.  It is going to be VERY hard.  Most of the time I do not know if I am doing it right.  

So I pledge that we all promise to help each other stay different.  To remind people, who is noticed more.  

If you agree with this, Say 'I pledge' or something likewise in the comments.  

The Only way we can change the world is if we are not of it.  It is time to change the world.  

Tori, 

Over and Out 

One Hot Night

So, some of you might know that my UBS was corrupted.  ( I lost all of my pointless dabblings :'( ) and Well, I was pretty upset.  Being me, I didn't have very much of it backed up.  That included the 20 some pages of the novel I am working on.  But because of my Amazing brother, much of what I lost had been recovered.  I have even found loads of my test from Biology.  So as I was going through the heaps of renamed files I ran into this narrative I wrote for English Freshman year.  Yes, I know some of the sentences are badly done (like this one) but  I was a freshie.  I thought the lesson of the past might, in someways apply to the present.  So Challenge Accepted technology stuff.   

One Hot Night

            Who would have ever thought that I would be standing outside in twenty degrees weather not wanting warmth, or in other words, fire?   Normally my family calls me a firebug; I guess that means someone who enjoys playing with fire.  But on this cold night, I wanted nothing more than the fire to disappear. 

It was after a hectic Monday at the Link.  My mom had surgery on her hands earlier that day, and she couldn’t use them at all.  It was a good thing my dad was home or we would’ve never gotten through dinner.  After the chaotic meal, I decided to unwind by watching a missed episode of Criminal Minds.  All the children were in bed and the house was quiet, or at least as quiet as our house gets.   Leaning back in the plushy computer chair, I prepared myself for a night of doing absolutely nothing of importance.  Soon, I became totally engrossed in solving the mystery and was all but oblivious to life around me. 

So little did I know that while I was helping master-mind cops catch a serial killer, my dad was solving the mystery of a super hot ceiling.  My eldest sister’s room had been smelling funny for a few days.  None of us thought much of it since we have an old house with a fireplace and, well, it’s Kayla’s room.  But luckily my dad looked into it farther and found that Kayla’s ceiling was almost too hot to touch.  Now, a strange smell is one thing, but a scalding hot ceiling is weird, even for Kayla. 

            After a final few minutes of peace, I was jerked from my fantasy and told to start putting coats and hats on half-asleep children.  The word ‘fire’ kept being thrown around like a baseball during a game.  Everyone was scrambling to get out of the house.  Personally, I was confused.  Just a few moments ago the house was calm, and all was well.  Now it was like trying to play football in the dark; there was a lot of running into things and quite a bit of shouting. 

As a grumpy David was thrust into my arms and a blanket chucked at my face, I overheard my mom trying to call the fire department.  Notice I said trying; my brother soon had to take over talking because my mom couldn’t even remember the color of our house, let alone the address.  This is what anesthesia and surgery does to her. 

            After what seemed like a lifetime, all nine of us kids were piling outside trying to keep the four younger ones from waking the whole neighborhood. It was a pretty vain attempt because if the crying kids didn’t do it, the five fire trucks might.   They soon came wailing down the street with enough noise to wake the dead.

 Freezing in the chilly November air, we shoved all the kids into the bus, which is actually a twelve passenger van, and tried to get them to fall asleep in their car seats.  Soon they calmed down and some fell asleep.  Alli and I tried our best to cover them up with the mismatched coats and blankets we had grabbed in our mad dash. 

After everything had settled down, Joe and I, being entirely insane, left the meager warmth of the bus to stand outside and watch firemen poke holes through Kayla’s ceiling.  It was a blessing and a curse that I had left all my blinds open so we could see right into the house, and straight to the action.  I guess now it was really starting to sink in that we had a fire in the house.  Before, it all seemed surreal.  But with my parents down the driveway talking to the multiple firemen and the smell of smoke in the air, the truth was undeniable.  Standing in silence, I watched my own story unfold before me. 

            Joe looked over at me and obviously trying to lighten the mood said, “Tori, have you been playing with matches again?”

            “Nope,” I replied, keeping up the charade.  “But…I was rubbing some sticks together earlier.  That must have done it!”

            We laughed and went back to watching the hole in Kayla’s ceiling grow, as if we were watching an exciting movie.  As the silence grew, I heard one of my sisters saying, “I hope my room isn’t dirty. That would be embarrassing.” 

            “I don’t think the firemen are really going to care about the state of your room ,” I said over my shoulder.  Secretly, I hoped this was true, because, as usual, my room was a mess. 

            “Darn! Why did I wear these pajamas? On the one night I decide to wear these pajamas, this happened.”

            I glance over at the car and shook my head. 

            “I think we will have a little more to worry about than your pajamas, Alli.” 

            I watched mom and dad talking with the firemen and the hole in the ceiling growing bigger, and I knew that it was going to get worse before it got better.  But what can be said when life takes a sudden turn but ‘Challenge Accepted’?  

A Place To Go

Well, this is a subject that has been on my heart for a long time.  I would like to know if I am crazy, so please share if you agree and comment if you don't (or do).  But, really, if you feel that a message needs to get out, I don't care if you copy this and pass it on as your own...(somebody asked me that :P)

    Well on to deeper things.  People in this day and age are always looking for that one thing, that one place they can belong.  Where they are accepted for who they are and where they come from.  Where they can be real.  A place to go when they are hurting and when they are joyous.  I want so badly to tell them, that this place exist.  I want so badly to tell them that this wondrous place is called Church.  But that isn't true.

Wow I know, I probably just offended  about a billion people.  And I am one of them.  This is an insult to me, because I am part of the Church.  

But, look at us.   Really look at us.  We are supposed to be the body of Christ, and still there is amenity between the denominations.   I am not saying that we should agree on EVERYTHING, but we all believe the same core beliefs.  This doesn't make them different species.  I myself have been to many different denominations, all of them are the body of Christ, Brothers and sisters in God.

   We are supposed to be the love of Christ, yet we turn people away
.  
"Gay people can't come in this church."  "You are the wrong color."  "I don't like that person."  

How many times have I heard this.  How many times have I thought something like this.  We are the Church.  We are supposed to LOVE everyone.  I am not saying we have to agree with everyone, but, we are commanded to love the world.  No matter what they look like, who they hang out with, what they have done, what they say.

Is it any wonder why people berate the church.  You wonder why we are called hypocrites.  I know, I am one of you.  I am probably more guilty than you.

But the worst part is that we turn a blind eye.  How many people have stopped reading this because it is offensive?  We don't even realize that we ignore this.

"We can only do so much."  "Someone else can do it."  "I am only a person, I can't love everybody."  

These thing I say to myself all the time.  God is with us, there is nothing we cannot do.    We seem to forget that.  

This doesn't just make me angry (for I am ranting which tells you that much) But  it fills me with sorrow.

We are told to bring those to church.  But how can we reach people, change people.  If we don't even come ourselves.   Now I am not just saying the building, but our souls.

What do we bring to church? 

Our stolid faces, good manners, dry eyes, still feet, stiller hearts? 

We tell people that the church is a place to be loved for who they are.  We aren't ourselves at church.

We tell people that church is a place where they are judged only by God.  Yet, we leave all our 'baggage' at home.

We tell people that this is a place of comfort, yet we seek none there.

We tell people that church is a place to bring their broken lives to God, yet ours lay at home in a box.

We tell people this is a place of worship, yet we sing with only our mouths.

I know I didn't really believe it either till I read it someplace else.

But, how many times have I asked the question "are you alright." And had wanted only a "yes"  How many times have I given that answer.

How many times have I judged someone.

How many times have I not asked someone to church because I didn't 'Like them."

How many times have I put on a front and come to Church, taking none of my problems with me?

how many times have I stood in the worship crowd, and sang only with my mouth.

How would I have looked at a person if they started dancing in church?  But isn't that worship.

Why are we afraid to be real at Church?  

I don't know, only that I must stop pretending.  I cannot tell people these thing about church, and not do them.  You may not see these things.  But you should trust every person at your church.  You should be able to trust every Christian.  

Church is a place for the broken, why do you think I am there?

It is the place to go, when no one else wants you.  Yet people are afraid to come.  If you don't want to come to church, tell us why in the comments.  

Let us show them that Church is a real place with real broken people.  You know, I had a friend once who didn't want to come to church until she had her life together.  Isn't that sad.  People think they have to get better to come to church.  But church is a place for the broken.  

No one will know that unless we show them that we are broken too, take off our mask and show the world that we are not perfect and that is why we need a savior.  

Come, spread the word of a real church.


Tori, over and out.