SAVE MY SANITY

Okay, I just wanted to let you all know that I love to talk.  That is one of the reasons I have this blog.  But believe it or not, I don't really like to talk to myself all the time.   Someone told me that was weird.  So, in effort to stop talking to myself, I need people to talk to.  As you can see I am always speaking in 2nd person (meaning I use YOU) So it is like I am talk to someone.  Let me tell you, I have NEVER had a conversation were the other person hasn't said ANYTHING!  Maybe I have very opinionated friends or I say things that make people want to yell at me, but this whole one sided thing is new to me.
Moral of that whole, long winded paragraph....
 
PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS.

I know people have busy lives and leaving comments takes time and thinking process but it would be nice...every once in a while, if I heard (read) something other than my own.

If you have any question, ask in the comments...I shall answer to the best of my knowledge.

If you want my opinion I will be more than happy to give it, like really.

If you want to tell be you have a pet salamander that has green spots and you had moldy cheese for lunch GO FOR IT!  

I like people, and this blog makes me feel anti-social......

But, if you know, no one reads this post.  OR doesn't really care about my sanity and I have no comments....I might just turn into the Golum  (spelling?) from the Hobbit and talk to my other self...no Tori be quiet I am typing on my blog.

We Are the World

Gandhi ( a peaceful guy that did a lot of good stuff)  Once said "Be the change you want to see in the world."  This is a pretty big thing.  I mean, I want to see world peace and no orphans.  I want to see happy people and everybody feels as though they are loved because they would be.  I want to see every person feel good about them selves.  I want to see bullying stopped everywhere.  I want to see a world I could be proud of, not something to cringe at and say "Well there is always the next one."  Cause guess what?! There is no next world.  I am not some space traveling alien who can visit random worlds in space.  I highly doubt any of you are either.  If you are cool, but I am talking to the majority.

Guys, I hate to tell you this is the only earth we will ever have.  Right now it isn't to pretty.  All those thing I want to see in the world, they just aren't there.  People die alone, feeling as though they have been alone their whole life.  Children go without parents and family.  People are hungry.
The world is hungry, but not just for food.
The world is hungry for love.
The world is hungry for compassion.
The world is hungry for kindness.  
The world is hungry for change.

Unfortunate the world can't change itself.  More like is won't.  We are the world and we let this beautiful thing called life slip through the cracks.  I think all of us want the world to be a better place.  But that is somebody else's job, right. I am too young.  What can I do? I am too inexperienced.  I am too poor.  I don't have enough to give to others.  I am too busy.  I can't.  Somebody else will do it, right?  It isn't my fault the world is this way.  It isn't my problem.

You couldn't be more wrong.  I couldn't be more wrong.  We couldn't be more wrong.

It is our fault.  It is our job.  Every minute we sit here and just watch the world, we are letting it get worse.  What if the whole world is thinking somebody else will do it?  What will get done then? Who will change things then?

We are the World.  We must change the world.  What can you do?  Really it is simple.  Though it would be great, you don't have to go build a school in Africa, or go Find parents for all the orphan children.  All you have to do is smile.
That is right, it is that simple.  Smile at one more person.  Hold the door for that one person.  Resist honking your horn or flipping the bird at just one person.
That random homeless guy on the street, buy him a burger.  Give a one dollar donation to those things at the register at Wal-Mart.  Compliment a random person on something.  Ask the kid that sits alone to sit with you.  Pay for someones groceries or food at a drive through.  Seriously if you want more ideas just ask in the comments.  If you would like someone to do it to you then do it for someone else.
You really could change someones day by doing something small.

You might be thinking, how on earth can this change the world?

What if every person in the world loved just a little more, gave just a little more?  Think of how much better the world would be.

But the whole world doesn't read my blog so how can they know to do this.  One more candle makes the world a brighter place.  If you are always waiting to shine until the whole world does it you may never know that they are waiting on you to start.  (did that make sense?) If we change the world just one person at a time, that is still more than what is being done.

I am sorry to be the bringer of bad news, but I have a feeling you all knew this before.  The world is not a happy place.  It is not getting better.  You know why?  Because We are the world and we are sitting on the couch not doing anything.  This is the only earth we got, don't waste it thinking someone else will fix it.  YOU be the change you want to see!!  Yeah, Gandhi, you hit the nail on the head.  Probably why he is so famous.

Turtle X-ing……Time to Slow Down

Today we were on our way to Christmas (this is a town in Florida) to watch Ash-bash (my sisters blogger code name) play violin as some festival thingy.  So we were driving…well my mom was driving.  If all of us were driving well it would not end well.  Anyway, I was in the back seat hanging with JK (brother code name).  All of a sudden my mom starts telling three seats in front of me, “DON’T HIT IT.”  And she puts her led foot to the breaks.  Okay, I was thinking dear, squirrel, person but she was talking about this large turtle just napping in the middle of the road.  Somebody needs to tell him that that is not the place to take a power nap!  Well it was in the other lane so we didn’t hit it but I was still worried for it’s life.  I turn around and look out the back window and see this old couple completely stop there car, get out, and remove the turtle from the road.  It was the cutest thing I had ever seen (And I have seen a LOT of cute things)  It really touched me.

  To think, if those people had been in a rush, it would have been easier to just keep going.  People are always in a rush.  Always thinking ahead, always wishing for tomorrow.  In a hurry this way, that way, up, down, do this, do that.  How many of us would have stopped and picked the turtle off of the road?  How many of us would have zoomed on by? 

Okay, life is short.  Here today and gone tomorrow.  If we are always in the tomorrow, who is going to be there for today.  Today is a gift, that is why they call it the present.  The world needs to slow down.  Stop and smell those roses.  Pick the turtle off the road.  Let tomorrow wait until it is no longer tomorrow.  Let me tell you, tomorrow, if given enough time, always turns into today.  No matter how much rushing, it will never happen sooner, you just miss a lot more. 

World it is time to slow down. Take a breath.  And let tomorrow take care of itself. 

And just a shout out to all those turtles out there.  I only have like 14 page views, and I don’t know how many people actually listen to my advice, so like don’t nap on the road.  It worked as an analogy today but some people just don’t slow down.  

50 Shades of Gray

Warning: This is not about a graphic novel.  Or anything weird like that.   If you are saddened by this news I apologize, but that isn't really my genre.  

Some people say the world is black and white.  Things are right. Things are wrong.   It is yes.  It is no.  It is there.  It is not.  There is happy.  There is sad.  Everything is flat.  There is no definition.  Like a coloring book, what is laid before you, is all there is.  What you see is what is there.  Nothing is deep.  Nothing is more.  Nothing has layers.  Nothing has a hidden meaning.  Black and White, lines on a page.

Other people believe that there are many shades of gray to fill the black and white lines. Something can be both right and wrong.  It could be yes and no.  It could be both happy and sad. If something is a little darker here and a tad lighter there then you have demintion.  Thing take shape. Things have more than one meaning.  There is layer.  There is dept.  There is truth.   Black, White, and Gray....shapes on a page.

I believe that life is more than that.  How could something so beautiful, so real, so deep, so meaningful, something so layered and complex be composed of only two colors and their variations.  No matter how hard you try you can only come up with black, white, and gray. That is like taking a pencil and sketching the world.  No matter how skilled you are, no one would ever believe that is was real.  A snapshot of time.  Because life is in color.  You have green, blue, red, orange, yellow, brown, and purple.  Life is a place full of color, and no one would do it justice by calling it 50 shades of gray.

A woman is working out at the gym.  You see her every time you go there.  You do the smile and wave to a friendly face then you get on with your workout.  You leave, go home, watch some stupid show on the TV never giving second thought to the woman.  How could you know that her husband left her 2 years ago and she believes that if she was just one size smaller, just a bit thinner, then he might just have stayed.  She works hard and with all her workout routines and trainers she has no time for the boyfriend who is calling every night just to tell her how beautiful she is.  Not black, not white, not gray.  Life in all it's dept and color.

A man stands on a corner of a street playing a guitar.  You walk by and whisper under your breath, get a job.  Little do you know that he had a job.  In fact he was a millionaire.  Rich and powerful, he was.  But when his son died of a suicide.  The man put down his pen and his paper.  He picked up his sons guitar left standing in his room and played.  He plays everyday in memory of his son gone too soon. Not black, not white, not gray.  Life in all it's dept and color.

You get flipped off on the way home from your daughters ballet lessons.  It wasn't your fault.  You had to get over for the biker.  Rather get a little closer to that dotted line than hit a man on the road.  You grumble a bit about the rudeness then go on you merry little way.   You couldn't know that the man driving that blue truck was just starting to drive again after an accident that had him off the roads and out of action for almost three years.  His brother, the one who flipped you off, was riding in the passenger seat cheering him on.  Being the over protective bigger brother.  He flips you off when you infringe on his lane.  His brother can't screw this up. Not black, not white, not gray.  Life in all it's dept and color.

Life is so much deeper than we all think it to be.  We have been told about the world, but how many of us truly know.  We can't.  Every person has a story.  Every person has layers.  A past, a present, and a future.  We have all been somewhere and are going somewhere.  We pass people everyday not thinking a the dept that lies around us.  We forget that each person is dealing with there own demons.  This may be because we have been taught to see the world in blacks, whites, and grays.  We have forgotten the patterns that lie somewhere beneath.

So, you might be wondering what all this humbo jumbo is about. And if you are reading this I congratulate you on staying with me.  I just want people to see deeper.  To k now that there is more to a story.  To know that everyone has there own story, a life they are living.  Try to think of the world in color.  in all it's glory.  Don't settle for a picture in black and white.  That would be boring.  There is a reason people paint in color.  It adds dept, it adds meaning.  It is true. .  Not black, not white, not gray.  Life in all it's dept and color.

The Last Battle .....2nd Try

Okay, So I haven't posted in a while because you guys probably don't want to read essays.  So here is a story that I wrote like three years ago.   That was a disclaimer for the bad grammar, spelling, and story in general.   Just in case you were wondering....maybe one day I will revise it and we can compare the two...but until then read this totally boring story then get on with your lives  :D B) ( a cool one for good measure)

The Last Battle

Avan walked in front of the last the of the Warriors of Light, with a grace and a hope that most of us had lost long ago.    She stood in front of us and looked over the crowd with her steely blue eyes.  The growing storm behind her was about ready to break.  The clouds were churning twisting into dark ominous shapes.  Miles away all that was and may be was being washed away by the mass of rain pounding the ground.    Storms had been frequent for a long time.  They helped to wash all the blood stains from the ground, but the water never seemed pure enough to wash it from the hands of the people who fought for freedom.  Now, it was a necessity.  No one had the heart to think if there might be a later, once this was all over. 

One of Avan’s arms hung useless against her side.  She had almost lost it in the last battle.  Something had gone wrong when the medic tried to sew it up, something to do with nerve damage.  The medic said it would never move again.  But still Avan took up the sword and fought for what she believed to be right, what we all believed to be right.  She was our commander.  She was our guiding light.  Like a candle in a dark tunnel; leading us to the end to see the real light. 

 “Today we are here to win a great victory for all! We are here to set an example for future generations. Today we fight the good fight!”  Her call washed over us and set a burning sensation in our veins.  All eyes were on her as she looked over the crowd.    Her straight black hair blew in the wind.  She seemed to be able to see through every one.  To see the fear in our hearts, our doubts in our minds.  She was here to dispel the fear, to replace it with truth and determination.   She was here to give us strength.

“Today we will rid the world of great evil.  An evil that has oppressed the earth for far too long.  This darkness is determined to take the earth; to call it its own.  We will not let it.  We are all that stands in its way.  Today the world depends on us.  Today the world stands on your shoulders.  It is a heavy burden and no one man can hold.  We will stand together.  We will stand strong.  This darkness is known to most of you as Abaddon.  He is not a man but a demon sent from the darkest reaches of the universe to tempt us, to take us, to control us.  All others have fallen to his power.  The people, your brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, have fallen to his enticing ideals and bewitching beauty.  To save them we must defeat this great evil to set all right.  Look around you.  You are all that is left. You must be brave. Remember all those who have fallen and fight for them, so it may not be in vain!” Her face set with grim determination. 

The War had taken everything from us; our homes, our families, our peace.  We had all lost someone we love, Avan among us.  Only the few hundred of the last of the warriors of light were left.  looked around me and saw the men and women I had fought with, and loved.  Anyone of them could fall to the darkness; anyone of them could die today.  There was little Kara, onle the tender age of eleven.   She was killed by a stray arrow.   Gelbad was only fourteen when he died in batte.  Jeru died leaving his pregnant wife behind.  Keli and hie family starved to death.  Malko and Hevil Died in each others arm, never knowing the fullness of their young love.  It was their wedding day.  So many others I bear not to count lie among the dead.  Even my dear, sweet Rebeki.  Beautiful Rebeki, my one and only love.  She would not die in vain.  Looking back up at the commander, even I wiped a stray tear from my eye. 

            “If you are strong we will win.  We cannot afford to fail.  If we do, all is lost.  We have lost many battles and many good men have fallen, but today the end of the war will be decided.  Whether we triumph or fall to his power is up to you all.   Do you have the strength, the faith? I believe in you and together we will win, we will triumph, we will prevail. 

            “We are soldiers of light.  We fight for the light.  The darkness will fall to our swords.  And even though some of you may die, you will die in the light.  You will die in honor.  You will die with glory.  And we salute you! May the light be present in your heart today!  May we burn like a thousand suns!  May we shine like the brightest light!  If the Light is with us, we will win!”

            On her last statement she raised her hand and all the soldiers followed in suite.  We would not, could not fail today.  This is the last battle, the final ending.  As we lifted our voices in a battle cry, the wind blew hard, sending Avan’s hair in a whirl wind around her face.

“The Light is with you all, in you all!  We will win!” the wind carried her words straight into our hearts, into our souls and started a fire that no matter how hard the darkness tried could never be put out.  Never.    Today was the day that the Darkness fell! It might not fall to our swords but it would fall to our faith, our courage, our hope, our love, our Light!  No matter how dark the night is, when the time is right the sun will rise! Today it would rise!  

1st Chair

      Alright, so yesterday for school orchestra we took a chair test, and for those of you who don't know what a chair test is I shall explain.  It is where you try-out for what seat you get in the orchestra (hence the name chair test) 1st being the best and the last being the not so best.  I was so darn nervous and brought my cello home like two weeks early to practice like 8 measures of sixteenth notes ( those are fast for all those non music people), all in all not that hard and I guess my practice payed off.  We got the results today and to my complete and utter disbelief I got 1st chair out of like 7 cellos!  Whooot whooot right...well actually WRONG!!!!  You see, I didn't want 1st chair I wanted 3rd chair and could be content with 2nd chair but 1st?!?!?  I was 1st cello once before in a homeschool orchestra but that was when there was only one cello...(that was me in case you were wondering)   1st chair is a great honor and all but really?  I mean all the other cellos plus all the other people in the orchestra expect me to be the best.  I have to sound the best, play the best, act the best.  Normally I wouldn't have a problem with it but if you know me...I am not the best cello player.  It doesn't come as easily to me as writing or reading.  I actually have to work at it.. (yeah, hard :P ) Also, people will stare at me.  I don't know how many of you know this but I am actually kinda shy... I don't like to draw attention to myself.  So being in 1st chair not drawing attention to myself is not an option.  But maybe, in the long run, this will work for my good.  I will have to practice and be aware but learn to accept that I can't be perfect at everything (THE HORROR right?) Having someone see my mistakes is really hard for me so this isn't the best position for me.  Also, because I feel as though  my stand parttner should have been first, I feel like I am constantly going to have to prove myself, but for now I'll take it as it comes.  I will do my best and that is all anyone could ask for.  So wish me luck on my new and terrifying position in the orchestra.  I believe though, it is in Gods plan for this to help me grow and personally this is the only thing keeping me from running to Mrs. Zahn (the conductor) and telling her she made a mistake.  How that for courage? :D So on and so forth.  I shall grow!!  ...hopefully

Maybe There's Tomorrow....

Alright I know that I haven't posted in a long time.  I am really good at making excuses so I could go on forever.  I could probably do a whole post on excuses but I will spare you.  (I am a very kind person)  But down to business. . This is one rare event that might not happen again for a while.  This is a profound thought post!!   Without further ado...
       Almost everyone has heard the saying 'Live like you were dying' or 'Live as though you are going to die tomorrow'  or some other variation.  You hear it, and you hear it and maybe you say, "Hmmm that is a good quote."  Then go on with your merry little life.  Have you ever really stopped and thought about it. 
 The end is near.
  It is closer than you think.  
What if tomorrow was your last day?  
You have run out of chances.  
The minuets are ticking by.  
How much time do you have left?  Truth, nobody knows.  Yet, death has always seemed far away.  "Gee that will never happen to me."  "I'll always have tomorrow."  Even if you don't really know it, we are always looking forward to tomorrow.  Like its always going to be there.  But it might not be.  In seconds every little thing could change.  There is never certainty   Yet, we live as though we are going to live forever.   
We don't live forever.  Our lives are but a blink of an eye, so here are some challenges for you.  Things to think about.  To apply to your life.  To make you think about tomorrow and whether or not you are prepared for what might come.  

1.  Never put off till tomorrow what could be done today.  Yeah, I am the queen of all procrastinators   But, I'm not really talking about homework.  Have you ever done something and you owe an apology?  Or maybe, someone has done something to you and you need to forgive them.  It.  Can't.  Wait.  Make amends and do it now! 

2. If your life was a movie and you were the protagonist  would you like yourself?  Make yourself into the hero you would like to see on the TV screen.  

3.  What are your hopes? Your dream?  What can you do now to make them possible?  It is never too early to begin.  

4.  Never go to bed on an angry word.  Alright, we have all heard this one before but think of it's truth.  You may not have tomorrow to be happy.  Don't let angry words separate you.  I love you is always a better way to say good night.  

Okay, now don't think that I am depressed or something.  I don't go about all my days thinking on such dreary subjects.  You just never know.  Listen to the song Live Like You Were dying by Tim Mcgraw.  That is an amazing song that says what I am trying to say much better...and it's Tim Mcgraw so you can't go wrong.   Really, what got me to write this post was a book I've read recently.  "before i fall"  (nothing was capitalized in her title so I left it that way...) by Lauren Oliver.  It is a crude book and I will not read it again because some of the content I deemed inappropriate  but the message rang clear as a bell.  It's about this girl who died and she get 7 chances to redo her last day.  This is an excerpt from that book.  She says everything that I have been trying to.  Hopefully this will change your thinking as it has done to me.  

               "Maybe you can afford to wait.  Maybe for you there's a tomorrow   maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or thee thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around in it, let it slide like coins through your fingers.  So much time you can waste it.  
           But for some of us there's only today.  And the truth is, you never really know." 

I'll leave you on that note and with a promise that I will be more faithful to writing on this blog.