Saturday, August 17, 2013

Man Up

"Brave"

Wake up, wake up, the sun cannot wait for long
Reach out, reach out before it fades away
You will find the warmth when you surrender
Smile into the fear and let it play

You wanna run away, run away
And you say that it can't be so
You wanna look away, look away
But you stay 'cause it's all so close
When you stand up and hold out your hand
In the face what I don't understand
My reason to be brave

Hold on, hold on so strong, times just carries on
All that you thought was wrong is pure again
You can't hide forever from the fire
Look into the storm and feel the rain

You wanna run away, run away
And you say that it can't be so
You wanna look away, look away
But you stay 'cause it's all so close
When you stand up and hold out your hand
In the face what I don't understand
My reason to be brave

Go on, go on

You wanna run away run away
And you say that it can't be so
You wanna look away look away
But you stay 'cause it's all so close
When you stand up and hold out your hand
In the face what I don't understand
My reason to be brave


So yes, I do randomly post song lyrics.  But these, I feel, have something for us all.  For one thing, it's by Josh Groban, so of course it is awesome!  But also it tells us to not just face our fears but to smile at it.   Think of your worse fear in the world.  Now think of walking up to it and smiling at it.  And no, the creepy evil smile.  So, I guess what I am trying to say is that you must face your fears.  This summer I finally got over my fear of heights.  (I know what you are thinking,  'What Tori was afraid of something!!!' ...or maybe not.)  It was easier than I though.  I just went to High School camp and jumped off a zip-line....  And now I am not really afraid.  Have to say though, I found this song after High School Camp.    
Hope you fine these lyrics as inspiring as I do.   

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Poems of Randomness


Here are some random poems that I wrote over the past school year.  I am missing a few and once I find them (which might be a while) I shall post them.  You have my word!  The first one is a dactylic tetrameter and the second one is an alliteration.

Forget Me Not.
Forget me not, or our tears will be wasted. 
Lost among all of the sorrow we’ve tasted  
Forget me not, go on fighting till the end. 
 Days behind days you will remain my friend.  

Forget me not, as the sky will stay blue.
Stars will keep shining as true love stays true. 
Forget me not, by the sea we will stand
Behind only leaving footprints in the sand. 

Forget me not, this I beg of you to try. 
Promised to never be a final good bye
Forget me not, for one day we will be.

Together forever eternally free. 

The  Mystical Moon
A silver moon shines down on the sea.
Saving the world from the darkness of night.
Glinting and gleaming on the rising tides
The moon sees every watery wave rise and fall
And hears the wind wail a mournful song.
Deep in the distance swallowed by doom
Is a castle, a kingdom that is bound to fall.
Watching with her wintering gaze
The moon waits for dawn to break and the castle to crumble
Stars stare silently as the first sign of the sun appears
Then one by one they fade away to a far off place.
Leaving last the moon and her pale light.
As the night shies from the sun
The castle bades farewell from far away.
And the moon and her wintery gaze waits until she reigns again
To watch the kingdom in the night ebb away 



Monday, August 5, 2013

The Nameless One.....1st Story

Okay, here goes the first story.  It's long, I know.  This was something I wrote every night before bed for about  week.  I didn't plan it out or anything, just wrote and this is what I came up with.   Just a caution, this is one of the thing that was written mostly at one in the morning when I'm a little slap happy....Just warning you.   (Disclaimer+ The bad grammar is part of the writing===read Mark Twain s Huck Finn)

The Nameless One
             Have you ever forgotten something?  Really forgotten something, not like, where you put your homework, or what day it is, or even if you fed the dog or not.  No, forgotten something that will change your life.  Forgotten something so important that- Wait! I’m getting ahead of myself…  I tend to do that…often. 
            Well, dear reader, this is my story.   Beware, it isn't the happiest or sanest of stories.  It’s not a love story, or an action story, or a story about a talking cow who likes to eat canned vegetables.  No, this story is about seeking what is lost. 
            I would ask you where you would like me to start, but obviously, I will begin at the beginning; or well, more like what I thought was the end, and in lots of ways it was.   There I go, getting ahead of myself..  Anyway the beginning/ end. 
*
            The tears of the heavens fell like tiny stars upon my brow…Too much?  Yeah, I’m no good with the poetic stuff.   I’ll just start again.  It was raining.   Well, not the light drizzle depicted in the over-done sentence above.  Um…It was pouring? (Got it!) And least to say, I was getting wet.  But I didn't care.  I mean, why should I care that I was standing outside  in only a pair of boxers, in the middle of a rainstorm with lightning all around.   Nope, no reason to care or be worried in the least.  I was too angry to be worried.   I was too angry to be anything but angry…well maybe a little hungry too (Girls, it’s a guy thing). 
            “Why on earth is this happening to me?!” I yelled, as if trying to compete with the thunder.  “Better yet, what is happening to me?” Screaming, shouting, and pointing at the sky as if it would answer back. 
            “Why am I here?  WHO AM I?  Would someone please answer me!  Anybody? Anybody?” A streak of blazing light lit up the sky. 
            “Hello, stranger.”
            All of a sudden, out of the blue, without warning, or what ever you want to say that you didn’t see it coming; I mean there was this little girl with a blue umbrella looking up at me where, just a moment before, had been no girl!  Yeah, without warning. 
            “Um, hello.”  (Great line, I know.  But give a man a break. What would you have said if a little blue girl had popped out of nowhere?  Yup, that’s what I thought! ) I glanced down at my boxer shorts and started caring (just a little mind you).  She just stared up at me, big blue eyes blinking out rain.  Coming to look at here she seemed all blue; Blue umbrella, blue eyes, blue clothes, and get this BLUE HAIR!  Weird, right?
            “Um what are you doing out in this storm?”  Me, playing fatherly. 
            “What are YOU doing out in this storm?” 
            Fatherliness gone. 
            “It’s complicated.  Never mind.  Answer my question!”
            “Which one?”
            “What do you mean ‘which one’?  What are you doing out in this storm!?”
            “Is that the question you want me to answer?”
            “Yes it is! Who are you?”
            “Who are YOU?”
            The question stopped me in my tracks.   Who was I?
            “Isn’t that what you wanted to know?”
            Creepy little girl. 
            “This is something I can’t tell you.  No one can tell you.  This is something you must find out for yourself.  This is your quest.   Who are YOU?  But the real question is, are you ready to find out?” She tuned and started to walk away. 
            Regaining my scenes, I called out, “Wait, What is your name?”
            With a glance back she said, “I am anybody.”  Then the strange little blue girl with her blue umbrella disappeared.  
            Not in a cloud of smoke like some cheesy magician, but she sort of faded as if she was never there.  
            I was kind of freaked.  I didn’t usually hallucinate about little blue people (Falalalala…never mind) but it had been a bad day.   A bad day, huh, understatement of the year. 
*
            Alright, so right now you might be wondering what the heck is wrong with this guy.  (Or you might not be.  I mean, you could be wondering about you girlfriend or what your mom is making for dinner.)  Well, even if you don’t care at all (which doesn't completely make sense because you are still reading this) I’ll tell you anyway.  You see, I’d forgotten something important. (Yes, even more important than bringing nachos to a super bowl party)  I had forgotten my past.  I could remember nothing, zipo, nada!  I guess it wouldn’t be that bad except I had forgotten my name.   How could somebody forget who they are after being themselves for years?  (Okay that even confused me a little…don’t worry about it.) Well I had managed it.  I had woken up in the very field in the middle of nowhere with nothing in my head but emptiness.  It was scary, scarier than anything I had ever thought was scary before.  Well, actually I wouldn’t know that because I had forgotten everything!  You don’t know scary until you wake up in a pounding headache in the middle of a random field, and you don’t know you name….(well a flying hippo with razor sharp teeth and a tail made of fiery whips might rival)
            At this point in my quest (which I wasn’t really calling a quest at the time, just hoping that it was a really bad dream) I was tired of yelling at the sky.  Believe it or not, this was not my favorite pass time, so I walked out of the field.   Now you might be wondering how I could walk out of the only place I could ever remember (or you might not be I mean either way….You are a sad strange little man and you have my pity…heheheh)  Well it was simple.  One foot in front of the other.
Right foot
Left foot
Right foot
Letf fo-Well you get the picture. 
            Time must fly when you have no memory because soon I found myself in a little town.  Not too little, mind you, I had to squint to see the other side.  By now the rain had completely stopped and it was hot and dry.  The monster within me (known as The Hunger) was trying to swallow my lungs, so I had to find a place to eat.   I saw what looked to be a diner (Yeah, I didn’t know they still existed either) and I started to walk towards it.  (Forgetting that I had no money on me)  Just as I about 10 ¾ feet from the entrance I heard a voice. 
            “Hey, Mister fancy pants, you ain’t got no britches on, or shoes, or a shirt for that matter.” 
            Darn, I guess money wasn’t the only thing I forgot.  Glancing around the building I saw an older woman with gray/blond hair done in corn rows.   She was wearing faded blue jeans and a bright yellow shirt.  (And by bright I mean that it almost hurt to look at it.)
            “Them folks won’t serve you lookin’ like that, probably won’t even let ya in.  Why don’t ya get on down to my place. If ya give me a hand with me pigs I’ll feed ya.” 
            With one glance at my boxers I followed the Woman.  She had a pretty fast pace but I knew I wouldn't loose her because you could probably see her shirt from outer space. 
            We walked to the outskirts of the town to a yellow ranch-style home.  I stared at the house wondering if maybe in my memory lapse I had moved back a like ten years. 
            “Here take these slop buckets down yonder to the pigs.”  She thrust two slop buckets at me.  “When you get back I’ll have some lunch for ya.”   With that she went into the house leaving me with only the slop buckets for company.   When I finally looked at my companions I realized why she wanted me to do it.  The slop smelled really, really bad.  They smelled worse than anything I had—Okay, Maybe I should stop saying that.  
            Moving on, I heaved the buckets down past the house and stopped.  How far was ‘down yonder’? For all I knew it could be a few feet, a mile, or a days walk.  I ruled out the last one because she said that I’d be back by lunch.  But then again I had no idea what time it was because I wasn't wearing a watch.  (Did I usually wear a watch; hmm I should probably learn to tell time by the sun, just in case.) At this point in time I saw the pig pen.  It was just down the hill from the house.  Not really a day’s walk. So once again I picked up the stinking bucket held my breath and started walking. 
            Have you ever walked down a hill, holding your breath with two slop buckets! DO NOT JUDGE ME UNTIL YOU HAVE!!!!  I finally got down to the pen and with a sigh of relief I dumped the slop in.  The pig’s cage was muddy and smelly.  Yet, the pigs grunted and snorted as if they were happy.  How could anyone be happy living like dirt and eating scraps off of other peoples table? 
            I was so engrossed in watching the pigs that I didn’t hear the Yellow-Shirt Woman come up behind me.  
            “Wonderful creatures, aren’t they?”
            “W-what!?” I jumped in surprise. 
            “The pigs.  They choose to be happy even though they live like this.” 
            How on earth she knew what I was thinking I will never know.  
            “Now, of course, I feed them scraps and the like the mud but the analogy still applies.”
            “What analogy?’ 
            “That no matter your surroundings, you live like dirt and eat scraps, happiness is a choice.  It’s not just some random feeling that people can’t control.  If you want to be happy even in the darkest moments, if you choose it, it will be.”  
            “I guess I had never thought of it that way.” 
            And we stood there, looking at snorting pigs for a while, both lost in our own thoughts.   Then Yellow-Shirt Woman handed me a shirt, a pair of pants, shoes, and a pair of socks.  “They were my husbands, they should fit.” 
            I didn’t ask why her husband wouldn’t need them any more because not all guys are rude, unfeeling, jerks. 
            “Thank you.” I said putting them on. 
            “And here’s your pay.  I made it to-go.   I hope you find what you are looking for, stranger.  I hope you know when you have found it.” 
            I found this an odd thing to say but shrugged it off as we walked for the rode out of town.   I thanked her once again and set out.  Then I remembered something.  (I know that is pretty cool, but it wasn’t from my past; so not as cool as I would like it to be.)
            “I never got your name.”
            “I’m just somebody choosing to be happy.”  And then the woman with the yellow shirt faded away. 
            Are you sensing a pattern yet?  Well I sure was.  But she wasn’t creepy like the little blue girl. 
            Figuring that this rode was as good as any, I started walking.  Not running, or marching, or stomping, just right, left, right, left….
*
So, you know that I said that time travels fast when you have amnesia…I lied.  The walk took ages and if I hadn’t had my lunch to-go I would have not made it.  (Okay, I probably would have but The Hunger would have eaten my kidneys as well as my lungs.)   By the time I reached any form of civilization it was like eight o’clock.  (But I really didn’t know because I wasn’t wearing a watch…we already went over this didn’t we… I’m just a forgetful person.)  The field and farm town must have been like 3 feet apart! 
            Anyway, now that I was fully clothed, I could walk through town.  (Well, I could have done it before…You know right, left, right, left…But now I do it with class…sort of) I was just walking down a random sidewalk when I saw a skinny kid with glasses and a black eye. 
            “Hey, kid, are you alright?” 
            “Yeah Stranger, don’t you worry about me.   You see the blood blends in with the red T-Shirt.”  A grin split his face revealing a split lip and a missing tooth.  Okay, yeah, a little gross.  
            What did this kid do to get slammed this hard?  Steal a girlfriend? Insulted a mother’s cooking? 
            “Bet your wondering what I did to get all this?”
            “Um, yeah, actually I was.”  CREEPY!  With a capital ‘K’ wait ‘C’…whatever.  But then something even more creepy happened.  His brown eyes behind his wire rimmed glasses changed INTO BLUE!!!!   Well, changing eyes, that’s new…..
            “Whoa!  Dude your eyes just changed!”
            “Changed? How?” 
            I knew he knew exactly what I was talking about but being the nice guy I am, I dropped it. 
            “So, how did you eat that knuckle sandwich?” 
            “With firm feet and a straight back.” Again the gap toothed smile.  
            “What?”
            “I stood, you know, didn’t back down.  This guy wanted me to do something I didn’t believe in.  I stood my ground and, well, he didn’t like it all that much. But you know what they say, ‘If you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything.’  I’d rather take a fist any day than be everyone’s floor mat.”
            I whistled, impressed and ignored the fact that his eyes were now hazel.  “Who are you, Superman?”
            “Nah, I’m just everybody who has ever stood for what they believe in.” 
            We shook hands, and I walked away. 
            “Good luck, stranger.  I hope you find it!”
            “Find what?” I said, turning around, but the kid was gone.  Where on earth, could the kid have gone?  I mean, there were no placed to hide, no dumpsters or alleyways.  And no way that anyone could run that fast.  It was as if he had just….Disappeared!
            This was too much! What in the world was happening?! First Creepy-Blue Girl in a huge rainstorm! Second, a kind old woman with a strange fascination with pigs!  And now a kid with freaking changing eyes! On top of it all I couldn’t even remember my dog’s name, or if I had a dog, or if I had a purple llama whose name was King Charles the III!   My life had hit ultimate rock bottom! 
            I stomped off.  (Yeah, I know now I can’t say ‘Right! Left!” Repeatedly) taking one sidewalk after another, avoiding all the people who just ignored me back. 
*
            After hours of senseless walking, the sky darkened and the stars came out.   I was still angry.  (No, I do not have anger problems whatever Jarrod might say, anyway he has…issues). 
            With all these people passing me, I should’ve felt so…not alone.  Yet, I felt more alone than in that random field.  There, at least, Creepy-Blue Girl had talked to me.  Gee, I mean, if any of these sophisticated city folk had heard me screaming at the sky, they would have avoided all connection with me, just in case my madness was contagious.  Yet, Creepy-Blue Girl had come and talked to me, a stark-raving mad stranger (and half naked at that).  
            Lost in my somewhat depressing thoughts, I didn’t realize that I had wandered away from the hordes of people into a quiet park (Well as quiet as it can get in a big city).  As I walked through the park, my anger faded into the shadows around me.  The park was peaceful and empty.  That is where I was wrong.  (The world just loves to contradict me) It was my last, final mistake!
  There was this random lady sitting on a bench in complete shadow.  It was only because I had been having a really weird day that I walked up to a complete stranger in a dark park.  (Just so you know I was playing with you before, I am writing this now, aren’t I, so I am not dead in a ditch somewhere.  Ladies you can calm down now.)   But, yes, being the brave guy I was, I walked up to this dark lady. 
“Hello.” I sat down next to her. 
“Hello, stranger.” She looked up at me revealing her large, dark eyes.  They were stranger than the changing ones I had seen earlier.  They seemed so peaceful, yet they held a hint of sadness.   
“The world is raging war on all of us.  You walk around a corner and find violence, haters, everywhere.  It is as though the world is trying to take the soul straight out of people.  People die everyday for the simplest, stupidest reason.  Money, fame, fun! The world is turning to darkness.”
I wondered if this was how she started all her conversations and if so, if she ad many friends.  I didn’t say anything.  What do you say to that? 
“Tell me, how can anyone be happy when all is ripped away from them?”
“A woman once told me that happiness was a choice.  A feeling to be chosen.  If you choose it, you are happy.”
“She is a wise woman.  Yes, happiness is a choice, but what if you are too angry to be happy?   To angry to think of the choice?”
“I don’t know.” 
“You forgive.”  She looked out in the darkness, closing her eyes slightly.  “You see, forgiveness is the passageway to happiness.  If you are holding a grudge or hating someone then you can not be happy and the whole world is a darker place.  A place filled with shadows needs one more light.  To forgive is to let go.  To let go, is to let other things, not hate or violence, but love and happiness show.”  She was silent, letting the truth of her words echo into the darkness.
“What is you name?”
She looked at me and gave me a small smile.  “What is a name, stranger?  I am the small voice that nobody really wants to hear, anyone with a prideful heart.  Have you found what you are looking for, stranger?” 
I stared at her, finally understanding, “Yes, I think I have.”  
I stared off into the darkness, knowing that when I looked back, she would be gone. 
*
I sat alone in the dark, thinking of the one question I had asked at the beginning of the day.  ‘Who am I?’ I had screamed into a raging sky.   ‘Are you ready to know?’ Answered the Blue Girl.  Now I finally understood it all. 
            A flash of blue light drew my eyes and there before me stood Blue Girl.  She looked the same as before except she was missing the blue umbrella. 
“Hello, stranger.”
“Hello.”
“Have you found what you have been searching for?  The answer to your question?” 
“I believe I have.”  She smiled and behind her  I saw each of the people I had met before.  The Pig Woman, The Changing-Eye Kid, and the Dark Lady from the park.  They looked the same as before except faded as though you could walk right through them. 
“You asked each of s a question, do you now understand the answers we gave?” 
I thought for a moment, trying to place the question. 
“It was the same question you have been asking yourself.” Blue Girl promted. 
“Oh, I asked you your names.”  Now coming to think of it, I didn’t know any of their names.  I mean, I was calling them Pig Woman and Blue Girl.   When I had asked ‘Who are you?” the hadn’t answered with their names (like normal people,. But as you might have noticed these aren’t normal people …normal people don’t disappear or have changing eyes) Instead of giving there names, they had given me something else…Not a name but who they were.  I looked up at Blue Girl and saw her nodding.  ( I will never get used to the mind-reading) 
“You understand?”
I nodded, excited.
“Who am I?”  A warm voice that spent time in the sun.  The Pig woman wearing the yellow shirt.  
“You are…” I stopped to think.  “You are someone choosing to be happy!”
She smiled a warm smile and started to fade.   “Remember happiness is a choice. Carol Olsen!”  Then in a flash of yellow light, she disappeared.  (Back to pigs …oink…. Okay that isn’t all that funny….hehehe)
“Who am I?” The kid with the changing eyes. 
“You are everyone who stands for what they believe in.”
“If you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything!  James Sanders!” With one last gap-toothed grin, he to left in a flash of red light. 
“Who am I?” This was a soft voice, almost like a whisper in the wind, yet it held so much peace.   It could only belong to the Dark Lady in the park. 
“You are the voice that nobody really wants to listen to.  The voice that all the anger and hate wants to silence.  The voice of forgiveness.” 
She smiled.   She truly was beautiful. 
“Forgiveness is stronger than any hate.  It can calm the biggest storms and douse the greatest fires.  My name is Talia Farse.”  Then she faded into the shadows. 
They were all gone but Blue-Girl.  She was up at him (She acted so old for her age…but then again I didn’t know her age…never mind). 
“And now, stranger, who are you? Do you want to know?”
“Before I answer that I want to know why you always call me stranger?”
“Because, you are a stranger to yourself.  You must find out who you are.”
“And I will.  I want to know who I am beyond my name.   I will go and find out.  I really will.  Thank you.”
Then she started to fade. 
“Wait!” I yelled, “I never told you who you are.  You are anyone who helps a stark raving mad stranger in the middle of the pouring rain.  You are the helper!”
She smiled at me, a big smile that would brighten even the dreariest of day.  A smile of a child. 
“My name is Molly Hunts.  And it is I who thanks you, Simon Granger.”  She put out her hand and I took it.  With a flash of light (Yup, just normal light….non of that colored stuff) my past came back in a flood.  Everything.   With that, Molly Hunt faded into blue light. 
I had been a star football player in high school.  I had a cat named Butterfingers (which is weird because cats don’t have fingers…what was I thinking!) which was neither a dog or a purple llama.  Once, I had eaten 13 cheeseburgers on a dare, (not all of them stayed down let me tell you….. You actually don’t want me to tell you).   I had broken my arm twice and countless fingers.  I had blond hair, brown eyes, and large feet.  I was 5’10 and had 14 freckles on my left ear.  My name was Simon Alfred Granger.
But this is not who I am. 
*
At the beginning of the story, I told you it was about seeking what is losst.  But now I’ll tell you that I never really lost who I was.  True, I had forgotten my name but that doesn’t make me who I am.  I sill cannot tell you all of who I am (Depressing right.) because everyday I am finding something new.  Right now, I am someone who could eat all the tacos in Taco Bell ®. 
It took a lot of really strange stuff for me to realize that a name aren’t all that important.   So, hopefully I can spare you some crazy drama by asking you a simple question. 
Who are you?
If you answer with your name, you might wake up in some random field with a pounding headache and an empty head.(Not that I’m saying your stupid or anything.  I mean that you will have forgotten everything.  I’m sure you are very smart…..I’ll stop talking now.)
So, well, I guess this is the end of my story …well technically, it is really the beginning.  The beginning of something great and new! The start of—Getting ahead of myself again.  I tend to do that…a lot. 
Well, without further ado

The End(/Beginning)
Hello people,
So I am new to this blogging stuff so cut me some slack.  I was going to call this blog The Notebook but decided that I didn't want it to be registered with love stories. I knew it had to be something with notebooks because I plan on one day being a writer and I do a lot of writing in notebooks.  It drives my mom crazy in fact because I leave them allover the house.  I have a stack by my bed and under my bed along with a lot of other stuff.  So Notebook Pages it is.  On this blog I plan to put writings I have been working on(in my notebooks...go figure) .  TO tell you the truth, I'm being kind of selfish.  This blog is more for me than anyone else.  Anyway, you might find short stories, short, short stories, poems, and if you are lucky, some profound thoughts.   Other times you might read something absolutely ridiculous and well, I probably wrote it a 1 in the morning... So here you will read what I write on my notebook pages.
Over and out,
Tori